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Stories. Verse. Humor. Most of this is true. Bylines around the Web. Editor of a local newspaper in the District. For parenting woes: www.thewinetimedad.com

“The surface of our sun is a wild, violent place and now we can see it in exquisite detail, thanks to the first images returned by the National Science Foundation’s Daniel K. Inouye Solar Telescope based in Hawaii.” -CNN

Courtesy of ABC News

Hey humans! It’s “the” Sun, your nearest star. Apologize for the “air quotes” but that’s just me, and I’ve been me for more than 4.5 billion years.

So…

It seems you’re finally getting back to me in all my glory with your newer, shinier instruments, huh? Cool, cool. I’m glad you hairless monkeys are coming “back around” to your backyard star…


Long have the people of D.C., American citizens, fought for equal representation in Congress, and now their fight picks up steam.

Courtesy of Anadolu Agency via Getty Images

The House voted in favor of D.C. statehood on June 26, 2020, for the first time in history. It was, and is, a historic vote. A historic vote that ultimately died in the senate, but is part of a movement that has gained momentum in the last decade, ramping up during Trump's presidency, and is now a major democratic plank.

The last time Congress tried to pass statehood for the small federal district, it failed 277 to 193 in…


Both Nov. 14 and Dec. 12 were dry runs for what happened on Jan. 6. The Proud Boys and militia types knew they would be able to get into the city with tactical gear and weapons (some came armed with firearms, as several other on the ground reporters witnessed). They also knew that the police would, for the most part, leave them alone. The local gov't of DC and federal authorities knew there was a very high probability of something happening at the Jan. 6 rally, but they did nothing. People more informed than me have pointed out that the…


For the second time in less than a month, the Proud Boys came to a traditionally Black city to stir up violence.

Photo Courtesy of Matthew Koehler

December 12, 2020, marked another intense night of protests and counter protests in Washington, D.C. Proud Boys and Trump supporters descended on District streets for the second time in less than a month, allegedly in support of a president who continues to lie that the 2020 election was fraudulent. The true motive of this rally, however, was made apparent by roving bands of Proud Boys looking for Black Lives Matter (BLM) protesters and ANTIFA to attack.

Both Proud Boys and Trump supporters, different but not mutually exclusive groups, came to D.C. back in mid November for a similar rally, which…


Courtesy of Warner Bros.

See a celebrity trending? Are they dead? Alive? Incarcerated for cheating on college admissions?

Do they have coronavirus?

Perhaps there’s been a disaster of biblical proportions. The dead rising from their graves. Human sacrifice. Dogs and cats living together — mass hysteria?

Maybe Dr. Fauci, Michael Myers, Batman, and the word “moist” did die and you want the world to know that you’re relieved they left their mortal coil.

You dick.

Btw, heroes never die.

Nor does Michael Myers.

And, moist? Unkillable.

You don’t even know what the story is but trends demand a tweet, a gif — a go…


Becoming a parent forces you to challenge some family traditions, while destiny pushes you to carry others on

Photo by Derek Thomson on Unsplash

Having kids means reexamining some of the ideological stances you took against cultural and family traditions as a single person. Walking the Earth as an unattached adult, religion, birthdays, Halloween, the winter holidays, *eye roll* Valentine's Day, and many more are subject to your personal philosophical whims. With little ones in toe, however, you may have to amend your practice, if not your thoughts, of traditions, especially those of the holiday variety.

"Who’s that man in the red suit, daddy?" Four year olds don’t care about a big person's moral objections to rampant consumerism. For them, it's pure magic. …


Explaining death is more difficult and traumatic for parents than it is for a 4 year old to understand.

Photo by David Tomaseti on Unsplash

Death is never an easy subject to broach, but there were protocols when I was a kid. We had a narrative to fall back on growing up Catholic, and my brother and I were into our middle school years before attending a funeral for anyone we could remember. We were much older when someone really close to us died. By then, I had a firm grasp on the concept of death and what I believed happened afterward.

Now with my own family, religion doesn’t play a role in our narrative on death (not an…


Corporal punishment is about satisfying your own anger and fear, not about teaching children.

Photo by Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash

The situation

She was standing there slapping her arm with a look that said, “I’m hitting myself but it doesn’t hurt. See? See? See?!?” I was not amused. Then, as if on cue, she laid on the ground, face down and cried, fakely.

Sympathy garnering at its finest.

You can’t beat understanding into a child like you can fear

Usually, I walk away. Unless she really gets angry and becomes a potential danger to herself. Often tripping over things or throwing herself at dangerous objects. The mini manipulator…


That instant, over the moon, head over heels in love thing people say they have for their newborn? Fatherhood doesn’t feel that way for everyone.

Courtesy of Me

You have a child. You actually saw it happen. Well, some of it anyways.

Stepping into the nursery with the doctor, a still ambivalence hovered around my emotions, I had a hard time deciding what was actually going on. Whatever I felt at this moment, it was primal yet mundane, maybe even profound, but…

A living thing was staring back up at me, and there was no one around to tell me what to do.

Matthew J. Koehler

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